THE NIGHT IS MY HAVEN, MY SANCTUARY; IT CRADLES MY MUSE, MY VIGOR, MY SANGUINITY.
WHEN THEE AFTER DUSK COMETH LOOKING FOR ME, I REFLECT UPON THEE THAT'D COMETH ONTO ME.

The Fellowship

Friday, February 10, 2006

Befuddled

I don't sleep too well... I was just talking to mom and she says i shouldn't be living here... She thinks i sleep/slept much better when i am/was in India. Probably true. Responsibility and accountability are just too much pressure, especially when NOTHING works according to plan. I mean, seriously, there is a dark age, and then life beyond it..., but my Alaskan winter seems to go on for ever... chilling bones to a point where life ceases to exist...

So, have i just used up my good fortune, or is there something about me that just makes lady luck go, "maybe later, later meaning never" *giggly hoo*... ???? I freakin' deserve a break... and like right now... I'm not asking for a bumper prize, a bonanza or even the key to Alibaba's lost treasure... all i want is the freakin map to this no-way-out labyrinth i am stuck in, so i can attack the weakest wall, and hopefully poke a hole to see daylight again...

These past few days have taught me the importance of home base... I need another one of my dad's pep talks... an affirmation that somebody's got my back covered and that i still am worth some damn thing... I'm a rolling ball of schmaltz right now... With every passing tik of the clock, i sink that much deeper in the gulf of nostalgia...

20 comments:

M (tread softly upon) said...

Absolutely true. Living away from home makes you so much responsible for everything around you that it creates all the stress in our lives. What I wouldn't do to be able to be a kid again when all the responsibility I ever had was to do my studies and play. Right now it seems like the entire world's load is on my shoulders. Cheer up! It's just one of life's dips.

DK said...

Maybe its life's way of polishing a rough diamond, so that it steers out tristan sparkling ;)

Fosix said...

i agree with m(tsp)... couldnt have said it better... my advice at times like these... dont think too far ahead (or behind, for that matter)... just try and live for tomorrow... its easier on the mind...

Seashells said...

Thanks for the kind words y'all..

@ m(tread softly upon)
As a kid, i was in a hurry to grow up... Not having to come back home before dark, going out to movies, no school uniform, and such, were reasons why i wanted to grow up... *shrugs*

@ dk
Welcome to my blog.
I believe i'm ready to sparkle... show me the sunlight, i say... :-)

@ fosix
wise words from a wise man are wisely taken :D

Crouching Tigress said...

Yesterday has been and gone
Tomorrow will I find the sun
Or will it rain?

Sun good. Rain good.

Nostalgia even better.

Sun+rain+nostalgia=Parfait!

Ok I should stop trying this equation shit. I suck at it. Also, I forgot what I was trying to say.

All in all, think of that portrait that you made long back..might make you smile..

Nessa said...

Hmm, and then this comes with everything else.. homesick-ness and depression..

Winter away can be.. well cruel and everlasting..

Anu Russell said...

Seashells. I dont know who you are. But thanks for your comment.

Love
Anu

Neha said...

i hvnt ever lived away from home and i keep cribbing abt it cause i wanna do it atlst once :)
but of course there r many advantages of stayin at home too..:)

take care!

sinusoidally said...

Living away from home? That was touching. Hug.

Seashells said...

@ crouching tigress
well well well... so u do have a soft side !!! :P...
sun -> bask
rain -> bathe
nostalgia -> sink ???
okey, thinking of the portrait does make me smile... super-duper thanks for the reminder... oh, and, you are better with the equation stuff than you think you are :)

@ nessa
Welcome to my blog.
It's not much of a winter here in Tucson... It's just those times when you feel like you've made friends with bad luck...

@ anu
Pleasure :)... Thanks for stopping by.

@ neha
Nothing like home. PERIOD. Trust me, i can kill for some home cooked food... :-)

@ sinusoidally
Yep, have been for 4 years now... Thanks.

Fosix said...

about the soft side of crouching tigress... i dont buy it... maybe she was drunk when she was writing it :D

Seashells said...

@ fosix
I'd rather keep my trap shut. God bless your soul :D

Fosix said...

Dont worry... I've already applied for the Witness Protection Program... They have agreed to give me a new blogger profile... Now she will never find me :D

Anu Russell said...

Who are you? Do I know you? Well ya...you get the best restaurant tiramisu at Olive Garden...although i dont think it has the alcohol!!! at least like mine does.

Anu

Crouching Tigress said...

>>fosix and seashells
Looks like you guys are obsessed with me(or discussing me :p).

And fosix, I do have a soft (back)side. You wouldnt know lol!

Anu Russell said...

That was really touching. Thanks. Yes...I miss my friend more than my words describe...I am sorry about your friend too...and I really liked the first message you left for me. Thanks...

Anu

Seashells said...

@ fosix
you know i'll track you down for a decent enough "supari"... :D

@ anu
Tiramisu, on my next trip to Olive Garden. I'll order additional liquor, if need be :D

@ crouching tigress
duh !!! I ain't even an accomplice... Look for the guy trying to go under cover...
The second part of your comment has me ROTFLing.

Hiren said...

Cross the bridge when you come to it. No point thinking too much.

Fosix said...

@seashells
watch out for my next post... you just might have to take back your 'supari' comment :)

@crouching tigress
:)))

Seashells said...

@ hiren
There ain't no bridge, there ain't no river... It's all in the mind... It's the matrix...

@ fosix
Watching out %)