something always changes while i await change.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
So, who would be interested in my mindless dribble or pithy even? I had to wonder. I was sure you’d find me. Yes, you. I’ll give you that even though it’s child’s play to follow the scent of arrogance. Though what surprised me is that I didn’t comatose you by the end of paragraph one. Again, the credit goes to you.
Now is a good time for some digression. “There is God in each one of us.” Heard that a lot? I have, and in that sense I must be the most naïve atheist ever. Witty and vigilant, I always have my defenses ready every time I’m taking chances with people. Wanting to believe the best in people doesn’t make it true and being afraid to believe doesn’t make it false. Wonder why that didn’t make me hip-ly cynical even though I’ve been known to make easy snide remarks. I wonder why I still think that people are good and am disappointed once and again.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Today, I met the soul of my life, also fondly named, 'lifeline'. I realize one can get jittery when in touch with one's soul. I reason that this is because there are NO SECRETS, and no matter which mask I draw, my hideous face(s) cannot be camouflaged. Probably the only time a multi-visaged personality such as myself is at risk of being judged for the component elements that make me, ME. The verdict I believe will be feared yet awaited, surmised yet refuted and numbing yet settling.
I also realized that a conversationalist like me who revels in shock and ‘aww’ inspiring narrations or one-liners can be short-worded when there is no eye contact, for eyes are where I draw my cue from. Note that I have no delusions of grandeur and I will never be awe inspiring but I’ve been told that I can be sweet and cute and hence, ‘aww’ inspiring.
So, how do you tell yourself that the one thing you really really want to do- the act that you’ve played and replayed in your head time and again is now inappropriate at the opportune very first tete-a-tete with your soul? I suppose you get fidgety and curse the bad omens which can’t help being ominous. Just FYI, from my experience, that doesn’t help either.
A note to the soul of my life:
I’ve always been so very proud of you but today I have a new found respect way beyond the high esteem I already hold you in. I saw the scars you didn’t deserve and wished that they don’t bring back bitter memories. I ask to be allowed to make whatever little difference I can, in any capacity. In a very selfish way I wish that you be happy because my days can only be as good as yours. I hope that you reach the horizon and touch the sky and I promise to never sap your strength with bitterness or rancor.