THE NIGHT IS MY HAVEN, MY SANCTUARY; IT CRADLES MY MUSE, MY VIGOR, MY SANGUINITY.
WHEN THEE AFTER DUSK COMETH LOOKING FOR ME, I REFLECT UPON THEE THAT'D COMETH ONTO ME.

The Fellowship

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuperr Heeeeerooooooooooooo

Every epoch in history has a superhero of it's own; someone to brag about, someone to revere and that someone whose achievements every little kid wants to emulate... No, i am not talking about the Gandhis and Boses or even the likes of Hitlers and Osama bin Ladens... I am talking about the more brawny men with the chutzpah to match... Over the years, i've dreamt of being Superman, Spiderman, Hulk, one among the GI Joe unit, Robot cop, and even Giant Robot for crying out loud. I didn't ever want to be Heman, coz he is indubitably gay and never ever would i want to be Shaktiman, coz he is just so super-duper lame and has the worst alias ever...

That was a little digression. Anywho, getting back to the point, all those super heroes and their antics are now passe. I've come of age, and want someone else to be my idol. I was looking for someone who doesn't need to save face, someone whose dressing sense is more contemporary and not tarzan-esque, and someone whose idiosyncrasies are unmatched. I only had to close my eyes for the briefest of the microseconds and pretend to think for only a quarter of that time, and i felt enlightened. A haloed image of my superhero-to-be appeared and saved my day and ofcourse this age. The good person that i am, i shall let you in, on this secret. Let me introduce him to you; but only after a few of his exploits...
  • The only time he cried was when he was born. His tears cured cancer. Too bad, he didn't cry again.
  • As a kid, his best friend was his pet unicorn (the last one ever). The unicorn caught mad-unicorn-disease, so he killed the last unicorn with his bare hands.
  • As a 14 year old, he entered a steak eating competetion. He ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour, of which he spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Needless to say he won but he was arrested for being "underage".
  • To get out, he broke the prison bars with his shirt that he peed on.
  • He was a Mc Donald's all-American high school basketball player. He could roundhouse fling the ball into the basket from 75 feet every single possession.
  • In college, he turned out to be a math genius. He counted to infinity. TWICE.
  • When in college, he also perfected the art of urinating into the toilet without getting out of bed.
  • He won the all university Connect Four championship game in 3 moves.
  • He practices a new form of yoga which allows him to ingest without swallowing.
  • He has a body deformity. He has no chin behind his beard, he hides his third fist there for a surprise attack.
  • His blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It has a catalytic effect on fuel used in heavy construction equipment, tanks, fighter jets and space-crafts.
  • He now runs a successful business. His chief export is pain.
Such is my superhero... :D... And, if you haven't already guessed, let me introduce you to... oh wait... drumroll please... trumpets too and everybody is requested to stand and salute.... so yes, say hello to the one and the only CHUCK NORRIS.

16 comments:

anu said...

I used to watch the serial Texas Walker (kabhi kabhi)... but dont tell me u wanna look like him too.... with da beard n all?!?!?!

Otherwise i think tumhare baal resemble karte hain :P

Toh i now know who n what inspires u :D

nyways the cartoon at the ned is quite cute - kabhi apna bana kar bhejna - me shall put it on my desktop :)

Fosix said...

LOL(again) ! i had read this a couple of weeks back while having breakfast... i burst out laughing a couple of times and ended up with milk and cornflakes splattered all over my table... :)

Anu Russell said...

NO WAY!

Seashells said...

@ anu
what's wrong with his look... ??? he'z macho n all you know.. :D

@ fosix
where did you happen to read this ??? It's been a draft in my box for a long time... just finished it yesterday.

@ anu russell
YES WAY ! I tipped my hat and pledged to be his fan for life :))

Anu Russell said...

once again NO WAY!!! BTW...did you do that sketch? If you have then I believe your interest to become an architect!!!

Seashells said...

Nope, i didn't do the sketch... My sketches are far far better... (???) Look at my posts archived under September 2005.

anu said...

toh phir apna sketch bana kar kab bhej rahe ho ??????

N yes he looks nice.... BUT you better not try that look :P

Crouching Tigress said...

Hahahaha!

Seashells said...

@ anu
NO sketch. YES look.

@ searchinformrmojorising
He also likes cookies :P

anu said...

a big big NO for the look

(well as long as i dont see u its fine i guess... sigh)

Isis Panthea said...

HA HA HA HA HA!! He he he he...chuckels chuckes...I was just imagining you in his BOOTS! Arizona! It did take a toll on you dint it! I say get outa that wicked place bud! I like the counting till infinity part the best!

Seashells said...

@ isis panthea
I think, even the thought of Arizona heat in the months to come is getting to me...

second_wind said...

Found some more interesting "facts" bout your super hero:
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/page1.html

Seashells said...

@ second wind
Now, that's what i call biblical :P, metaphorically speaking ...

Swathi said...

thanks for the enlightement, i thot i almost died of the suspense :))

Seashells said...

@ swathi

oh no no no, Chuck Norris is a savior, not a killer :D